The highlight of 2015 and welcome 2016!

Assalamualaikum and hye..

What? The last day of 2015? Already? It's a bit sad and scary when to think that how time flies so fast. I am 32 years old and what I have achieved in my life so far? was it impressive enough?

Well, Alhamdulillah for every single event that have occurred in my life in 2015. I would say, the highlight of my life in 2015 was of course... my thyroid operation. The total thyroidectamy. It only started with a tiny lump on the left side of my neck. Just went for a detailed check-up with a general surgeon in DEMC, then had a second opinion with an endocrine expert, Prof. Dato Dr Khalid in Tropicana Medical Centre, thanks to my husband for keep reminding me on the importance of having personal life insurance. It would not be this easy, Alhamdulillah without insurance. The first surgery was under my husband's company's insurance-PM Care and the second surgery was under my personal insurance- Prudential. The total cost for both surgeries (total thyroidectamy) was 27K. Fuhhh... Alhamdulillah. Dato Khalid introduced me to another endocrine expert which also happens to be his ex-student- Dr Zamzuri and since then, my thyroid story begun. Dr Zam was so expert that he only did my ultra sound using his laptop! From there, he suspected that my lump could be dangerous and proposed for an operation. I was like... what??? Never in my life I had gone through any operations before.. I was so scared. He gave me time to think about it and yes, I took 3 months to not think about it ;p. But, I did not want to put my health at risk and my husband was a truly supporter (even though his support towards Liverpool is bigger). He encouraged me to go for the operation and kept convincing me that was nothing I should worry about.

Maybe, Allah swt has made it easier for me and before Ramadhan, I trusted my instinct to contact Dr Zam and set an operation date with him. However, the operation was postponed since I was feverish and non stop of coughing hahahah. Blessing in disguise, I got to enjoy my Raya because the operation was really a big thing! The second attempt of half thyroid removal after Raya was a success. I was a human with a half-thyroid. Alhamdulillah, my first operation went well and I recovered quite fast. There were no side effects on my voice or other body systems. A week later, I received a big test from Allah swt. During the appointment with my Dr. Zam, he had no choice other than telling me the truth. From the lab test, he said I need to go for a second surgery as soon as the next day! I was speechless but remained calm because I always believe Allah swt will always have the best plan for His servants on this earth. I was in a denial for few hours. Husband was trying to be cool and kept giving me the moral support. Went back, inside the car, I could not hold my tears any longer, I remembered I was crying like nobody else business. My husband was trying to comfort me but I just couldn't... 

That evening, reached home, looking at my two boys' face, I was only praying to Allah that I won't be crying in front of them. I needed to be strong. Looking at their innocent and pure faces, I gained my strength back. I promised to myself I would not show my sorrow and weakness in front of others just for the sake of my family. I don't want them to feel sad. I could do this. This was not the end of life. This was the BIG test in my life. Maybe this is the way that Allah swt could erase all my wrongdoings in this world. Holding to that thought, I wanted to fight my thyroid disease. I wanna chase my ultimate dream... I wanna go to the best place in heaven.. insyaAllah. This has always been my ultimate goal. Thus, this has become my strength since then. I will go through this with iman, calm and keredhaan as well gratefulness. 

Second surgery was a really major thing happened in my life so far. The nurses said, my tears dropped down before I doze off from the anesthetic. Funnily, I couldn't remember that. But, after I got conscious from the anesthetic, I felt the tears on my eyes. I felt so weak. Dizzy, nausea, it was at the worst stage of health. The saddest part was, this second surgery has affected my voice. My voice was so weak. I tried to speak louder but I couldn't. I cried inside, tried to hide my sorrow from my husband and parents. Tried to look ok in front of them. Tried to be STRONG. The effect of the second operation was so challenging, I even exited the OT with a blood bag on my chest. It was so smelly. I have never felt that miserable and uncomfortable in my life. BUT, do you know what has made me strong? THE PROMISE that I have made with my Creator, Allah swt. The promise that I will face this test dengan REDHA and the faith that I have, the believe that I hold strongly- that this is part of the stages that I need to face in order to become a better khalifah, a better human, a forgave one. Kerana aku percaya "Allah swt menurunkan ujian untuk menguji keimanan kita. Jika kita berjaya dalam ujian ini, sabar dan redha, maka ganjaran besar yang menanti" InsyaAllah. I never stop praying that I will get my voice back because I earn my salary using my voice. I am a lecturer. I need my voice badly. Alhamdulillah, my worries faded away as my vocal chord recovered exactly 2 weeks after the operation, just exactly the day I got back to my work. Allahhuakhbar. Sesungguhnya Dia Maha Mendengar.

About a month later, as part of the healing treatments, I went for a RAI treatment in SJMC. Covered by my Prudential Insurance which has cost me RM14K (7k for the thyrogen + 7k for the RAI). Alhamdulillah again that I have my personal insurance. One of the most challenging stages in my life so far. After the treatment, I was quarantined in the hospital for 4 days. It was a really lonely process. Luckily, I had my laptop with me. I managed to zumba for few times and watching HBO movies most of the times. Hubby came every day brought me the food. Thank you LOVE. U proved to me that you are an amazing husband. At times, he called from home and asked me whether I wanted to talk to my kids and I said no. Because I would be only crying. The nights were so difficult because I have never been apart from my kids. I have never slept without them at night before. It was so devastating. The first night, I was crying all the way, thinking on my boys, missed them terribly. I couldn't sleep but again, I remember my promise to Him. I took my Quran and recited few pages and felt better after that and managed to sleep at 2 am. Days after that, I got better and I even managed to draft my PHD proposal and emailed it to few potential supervisors! That, was magic. The ideas came non-stop. The nurses and doctor were quite surprised to see me enjoying my quarantine period haha.

Then, I was discharged on day 4 and continued my quarantine at home for another 4 days. THIS, was the moments that I would never forget in my life. Since I couldn't be close with kids in the quarantine period, I was hiding in my own house! I locked myself in the second room upstairs since this room is quite scary for Fahri and Naeem, thus they won't notice me there. Just imagine, it was so difficult, listening to their voice from upstairs but I could not talk to them, I could not see them. I heard at times they were asking me to their papa and papa had to lie that mama went for outstation. I missed my boys terribly. I only went to see them at night, watching them sleep. It was really painful to see them but unable to kiss them. I missed hugging and kissing them, just like I did every day. Hubby, my MIL, SIL were super kind. Prepared and brought me food. Mom, dad and aunties were all nice asking on my condition every single day. Nothing should be complained. The final day of quarantine, I went to the office for some works (I only needed to be away from kids, not adults). After I went home, I couldn't hardly wait to hug my kids.

It was the time, I decided to fetch my first son Fahri at school. When he saw me after 8 days not seeing me, he said "mama!! kenapa mama tak ambil fahri??" pointed out that the 8 days that I did not fetch him from school as always, thanks to my SIL, Ida for taking that responsibility while I was in the quarantine. Listening to that, I cried and hurriedly kissed and hugged him. We reached home, impatiently to see my second son, Naeem. I could see him waiting at the grill gate. The moment I reached him, Naeem said "mama, mama dah tak sakit?" he looked surprised to see me. That I was still there, I was not going anywhere my boy. "Mama dah tak sakit? Meh sini Naeem tengok!" mann... he sounded just like my doctor. I cried inside and never missed to say Alhamdulillah to Allah swt that finally I have passed this test, part of the test. And now, I am living my life as normal as it was, with a better caution of my health. Alhamdulillah

Thus, I only have one major resolution for 2016 --> to be a better muslimah. To gain more akhirat rewards than the dunia.. insyaAllah... aminn

So, I end this 2015 with the bestnine of the year: 

Happy new year people!