Kisah 6th wedding anniversary kami

Assalamualaikum and Hye...

Alhamdulillah.. It has been 6 years that my husband and I have tied the knot. Sekejapnya masa. This time around, we only managed to take our time and celebrated the day in Morib. Tapi makin lama kahwin ni, makin ntah pape plan celebration nya haha ... 

I do admit, hubby ni after marriage, romantiknya dah jadi biasa2... but as a wife, I love surprises and romantic acts. So, untuk make sure the marriage will not be dull, the surprises must be planned and executed every year. Usually kami ni, hanya akan bagi hadiah bila birthday je... but since last year anniversary, hubby gave me an anniversary gift, so this year, kami bertukar hadiah untuk anniversary. I even ordered an anniversary cake this year!

Our anniversary cake, baked by Chegu Mimah (from FB).. Delicious yummy chocolate cake with cheese topping.

I dengan hubby memang jenis berlainan pendapat. Dia kata A. I kata B. Bukan melawan, tapi cuma menyuarakan pendapat. Kalau I kata C, dia kata D pulak. Tapi yang kelakarnya, end up kami akan setuju dengan pendapat yg kami x setuju tadi tu haha.. Contoh fasal cake ni. I said to my hubby, I wanted to bring this cake along to Morib so that we can celebrate with the kids on anniversary night, just take pictures as a memory, but he said it was not a good idea since it is gonna be difficult to bring the cake along the journey. I justified that this cake will be in a good condition even though it is not refrigerated 24 hours, based on my friends' experience. He remained disagree. The next morning, while we were packing stuffs to the car boot, he said "okla... we bring the cake along" hahaha... lain kali mmg tak nak gaduh la coz at the end of the day, he will agree with me. Mestila agree, idea wife dia ni walaupun ntah pape, tapi sweet je disamping faktor sayang bini punya fasal ;p

So, malam tu I memang dah inform hubby awal2, I nak dinner di Restoran Senandung Malam, Bagan Lalang. Tu pun I dapat info from other blogs that this restaurant punya seafood memang best and berpatutan. Before heading to our dinner, we snapped some pictures in our hotel room as memories. 

He gave me Anna Sui's set of perfume miniatures ( I love all the scents) and I also gave him a perfume- Mont Blanc- StarWalker , ni pun because few days earlier, he accidentally mentioned that his favorite Starwalker was finishing. And a must routine every year- anniversary cards.

The boys memang tak peduli to take pictures so biar mama n papa je pose.. Kita mirror selfie je la sebab masa pun x de sangat..nak dinner lagi

 The boys pun selamat 'menjamu' the cakes

Happy 6th Anniversary Abang...

I love You

I want to grow old with you (stereotype sangattt haha)

 his gift and mine

Tahun ni I punya effort for anniversary card memang kalah habis dengan hubby. He made me this! Terharu sangat... He decorated the card with the pictures of our significant and memorial places since our first meet, comel nya hahaha..

Then, dah puas posing, we headed to Restaurant Senandung Malam, Pantai Bagan Lalang. By using Waze, it took us 30 minutes from Morib Gold Coast. Sampai2, memang ramai manusia. Ramai jugak bawak cake for celebration. Kalau tahu, kami pun bawak cake hehe

Papa and Naeem

Abg Fahri yang asyik nak tengok zombie VS plants je kat youtube

Gigih berpink bagai sempena anniversary haha

our dishes: Siakap Tiga Rasa, Kailan Ikan Masin, Butter Prawn, Lala masak cili, with drinks (RM 66 for all) berbaloi sangat kan..

definitely will come and dine in again

sebelum tido, mari kita pose dgn dress anniversary mama ni haha

Thank you Allah swt for this LOVE

6 years of marriage, there are so many things that I have learnt about us:

1- We argue a lot. But, we do not fight. As a wife, no matter who speaks the truth, try our best to give in. Once his anger fades away, he will apologize.

2. I know, I argue a lot. Since before our marriage, we had different opinions most of the times. For me, it's ok to voice out your opinions because this is the time where he learns more about you, our likes and dislikes. Good things should be remembered and repeated, things that our partner do not favor should be avoided in future.

3. If we are not satisfied on certain issues in marriage, we MUST discuss with our partner. Make sure they understand how do we feel. BUT, make sure you choose the right time to do it. Do not voice out your dissatisfaction when he is having a bad time. Do not keep your problem on your own.

4. We will never stop learning about our partner's behavior. I have learned that my hubby is always beside me when I was warded in hospitals due to thyroid few months back. He is not the type who will massage you on your head and hug you from the back all the time, but he asked me what do I want to eat most of the times. He cares about my health insurance, he even pays for one of my personal insurance. So, that is how he takes care of me (I guess so hahaha). So ladies, do not compare our husbands with others.

5. Do not be too dependent. This should be practiced in parenting. He will help and do when he wants to. And Alhamdulillah, I have a very helpful husband.

May Allah swt bless our marriage now and hereafter, amin.... 

5th Anniversary Part 2: outing and husband's surprise

salam...

Since hubby has a master's class on Friday night (the anniversary night), so we postponed our outing plan to the next day. We went to Sunway Pyramid on Saturday's night, four of us. Sunway Pyramid was a good choice as it was our first place for dating...first dating.. the day when I fell in love with him.. the day when I tested him.. not to say test.. I observed him..haha.. ishh kelakarla ingt balik...

Actually, he wanted to surprise me with buying me a bracelet but of course I need to be there to choose the bracelet (the wrist's measurement and the design), so it was not a surprise no more. But of course the moment he said that we are going to jewellery shop in Pyramid to buy me a bracelet, I was touched. It is really sweet and thoughtful of him. It's not the matter of the price but the thought counts in, it really touches my heart...until now. Thank you hubby. Love love. Hee... don't puke just yet. This is just another sweet memory that I would like to capture onto my blog. Who knows..my kids will read this in future and realize how sweet their papa can be (sometimes) heee...

My husband is not the kind of person who love to surprise his wife or in other words- too romantic. I consider him as mild romantic. Eh ade ke? haha.. Anyways, So.. the one that he did last Saturday was really a big deal for me. I know.. Problem for most men is when their romantic act becomes a joke by their friends at the end of the day. So, I would like to congratulate my hubby for letting go his macho ego hahahaha

We reached Pyramid at 9 pm but managed to go to the jewellery shop (Poh Kong and then Tomei) at 9.30 after a parking matter. So, being me, I can make a decision in a shortest of time (and whether the decision turns out well or badly later haha) .. I chose my desired bracelet in Tomei.. I have two favorites and asked him to decide for me. Since his plan was to surprise me at first, so we asked the store assistant to put it nicely in a jewellery box lolz. So that I will pretend that this is an unknown surprise =)

After that, he left Fahri and I at the lobby where there were Christmas tree and all the related decorations. He asked me to wait there while he brought Naeem with him to unknown destination. Surprise la konon.

 In front of Tomei store...see ..it was almost close

 Abg fahri dah pandai posing...

 Anak mama ni makan banyak tapi tetap nampak kurus

I love this picture of us wpun blur

 Ni terpengaruh tgk Disney banyak sgt la ni..ish ishh

 Selfie with the hub..

 Another one..

 Mama n naeem yg tgh mkn candy

 Abg fahri joined the other kids shuffle kat tgh2 tu

 My happiness.. thank u Allah swt

our picture with our kids.. biasela..x de tukang amik gambar

So, the next morning, I woke up, went down and tadaaa.. I saw this on the bar-tender. So he actually went to Memory lane to buy the big card and until now, I do not know when he bought me the roses. And the sweetest thing was when he stayed up the night before just to decorate the card!

Surpriseeee!!!!

Ok.. now I remember why he did ask me where the glue was...

So basically, we had our 'who is the most creative partner?' for 5th anniversary... =)

5th Anniversary Part 1: The scrapbook

Assalamualaikum and hello..

So I made a 5th anniversary scrapbook / story book for our 5th anniversary. The date of our wedding anniversary falls on every 28th November. We do not celebrate love-birds anniversary. No. Just because we decided to get married after few months dating each other haha... So, getting married is the peak of our time together. 5 years of marriage? Sometimes I feel it is a very young age of marriage, but there are times when I feel...heyy... 5-year is not that easy. Thus, on the very last-minute idea, I decided to make this compilation of our story from the first day we met (unplanned meeting) till now. I compiled some pictures (even he complained that some of the pictures did not match the storyline haha)... I am satisfied that I manage to produce this book (sounds like a professional novel author) within 3 days. Congratulations yana!

I don't know... It was a very sudden idea. I think 5-year is a duration which we, husbands and wives should celebrate. Usually, from previous anniversaries (only 4), it was either we bought cakes or we went for a vacation. When I was completing this story book, I did not expect a return from him. It came from my heart. I wanted to leave him with something that he could remember.

So, I went to a cute-gift cum stationary shop here in Plaza Masalam and spent RM50 for a book, glittery colored pens, few stickers, ribbons, etc. When I was about to pay, I was like "why do I need to do this...it costs me a lot..i should have just bought a card from Memory lane" hmmm... Also.. I went to a printing shop in Section 2 to print some pictures... Overall, this story book costs me RM80..woohooo...was I doing the right thing? What if the book turns out so ugly? What if he doesn't happy with the book? What if ....haha..so negative thinking I could be. 

I even did this at office and at home when people did not notice me. I felt so shy if they were like "wahhh yana...so romantik...giler la" ok shut up..haha. So this is the result of my creativity (creative ke?) the truth is..I've never done this for a man that I love.. so hubby is lucky to get one...just because I don't think I am creative enough. I rather buy a card from Memory Lane than spending so much time and effort to produce this piece of artwork haha.

 the cover

 the second page- the family tree.. see how many kids that we are planning to have? InsyaAllah

 Engaged

 Married

 Pregnant

 baby

 5 years

I was so tired when I reached the last page, so my handwriting became the worst ever haha...I actually put few hundreds inside the envelope together with anniversary card. The money is for the shoes that he already bought earlier. I promised him to belanja a pair of Clark shoes, so he did buy one a week before and I refunded the money together with the book hehe.

So, the night before our anniversary, we went out for a dinner at Restoran Murni in Shah Alam. Murni again? Yup the place that witnessed our first meet but the actual restaurant was in SS2 PJ. So, after reaching home, i said to him, go and take something from your closet. He smiled and took the book- our 5-year story book. The kids fell asleep since the road to our home. So, the plan went smoothly. Thank u boys for understanding lolz. I switched on the main light and he was so excited to read it. I felt so shy and said it's ok..u just read tomorrow..I feel so sleepy... he said.. wait..let us read this together.. I want to read this.. together with you ..ok melting timeeee... so yup, we had fun laughing at our own selves... the first meet was always a joke for us...and the funniest part was ..I created a quiz on "How well do you know your wife / husband?" .. As for my part, I gave few questions with the answers together..of course I threw questions that I already know the answers like fav. food? fav. song? etc haha... so he complained it is not fair for him as I was the one who created the book so I can choose easy questions haha... 

Thus, I really think making a scrapbook for 5th anniversary sure does a good idea because it's kinda a post-mo term after all. Be it good or bad memories. And I am so happy he really appreciated my effort. Coz it shows =)

Berhias seorang isteri

Salam... before starting with 30 days Blogging Challenge (tajuk je...memang bukan 30 days pun..maybe 30 months ;p).. I would like to blog about the hottest issue in town since last week. This is pre-consequented from the article entitled "Alasan Suami Curang" which konon2 isterinya bernama Mah tu. Entah betul atau rekaan that article. But, the good effect is, so many views have been pointed out regarding faithful, aloofness to partner, the exact roles of husband and wife,etc. It's a good thing actually so that indirectly, it gives knowledge to newly weds or for those who are about to get married. But of course, the article also has made some wives become confused about their roles in marriage. Too bad. Some wives feel so bad about their selves. They feel unpretty and blaming themselves for not taking care of themselves because they were too occupied in ensuring their husbands are super satisfy with: their service, kids, financial, etc.!

Oh my...how come women become so weak easily just by reading an article?

Ok..this is what I have to say regarding the issue:

For me, yes, it is our responsibility (the wives) to take care of our own selves. Beautiful is very subjective. I have found a couple who are very chubby both, but I am sure the husband is very happy with his wife because his wife is very good at cooking and raising their kids. It is shown through their eyes and faces. We can tell. Even though the wife is chubby, but she knows how to look good or presentable. That matters the most for me. You don't have to be super slim and bootilicious to make your hubby happy. You just need to be pretty in your own way. If you look like a Miss World but that means nothing if you do not know how to smile to people, to your husband's friends or family, for instance. What else for your own hubby. You just need to be.... charming to your hubby.

It is an Allah swt's gift if you are a natural looker. You just need to smile and it will make your hubby's day. If you can wake up every day and looking like this:

then...you do not have to continue reading ..lolz

But, if you don't have that gift (like myself), we really need to have a lil of extra effort. This is what I practise (as in my case):

-My hair is super 'kembang' or wavy, naturally. So, it takes time for me to manage it within limited time (time to handle kids, house chores, etc).. so, solution is: I re-bonding / straightening my hair once a year or maybe every 8 months. It's not that I am showing off my hair to public but I want to look presentable without taking too much time on it. By doing this, I even don't have to comb my hair at times...uhhh life is so easy some times... Please be thankful for those who have beautiful hair! Don't just bun it on, unbun it, groove it darling!

- I do not have beautiful skin.. I still have those acne scars left on my face..The pimples are still coming to visit during that day! ;) . There's nothing much I can do when I am at home... make-up free.. unless frequently cleansing up my face, apply some facial cream... but, when going out, I'll try to put make-up on...my intention: I want my husband to feel comfortable with me...so that I will look more presentable without my pale face.. LISTEN: u really don't have to wear make up if your skin is flawless... just a lip ice will do! The worse fact is that.. my hubby has very flawless skin..kalah mak ni nyah.. so I have to look more jambu than him haha..the point is just make sure u look more beautiful than your hubby kihkih...Of course I don't care about other people's feeling but come on... we should know our hubby... they want to marry us with the same person they married few years back... You will know your hubby's taste better! 

But, the points that I listed above are just assisting us in order to make our hubby feel 'comfortable' with us. This will be useless IF we are 'berhias' but not accordingly to Allah swt's rules. Example:

-Isu cukur / plug bulu kening- We know this is wrong as in hukum. But some of us give an excuse, it is ok to do it as long as the intention is to please our husband's eyes. My question: sejak bila suami darjatnya lebih tinggi dari Tuhan? Subhanallah... Tolong betulkan mindset tu.

This is the reason...why..sometimes you think that you have done everything for your husband, you even pray 5 times a day, fasting during Ramadhan and so on...but why you still have problems in marriage?

Wallahhualam.. I am nobody to say this..but this is obviously the reason. The intention is totally wrong. We are married because of HIM. Thus, for what ever purposes that we do in marriage, we must please Allah swt first... Find a way.. Trust that Allah's gift to you is the most beautiful gift. Do not act beyond His order.

I do admit... I was also one of 'those wives' but now Alhamdulillah...kuasa Allah swt Maha Besar. I am far than perfect. Of course. Maybe you are better than me. But I really believe in this. If you put Allah swt no 1, In Sya Allah... everything will go accordingly in your plan. Let us pray together.

Kisah rumahtangga

Rasa nak story fasal hal rumah tangga. In general la. Terasa hati, merajuk, miscomummunication dalam marriage tu memang adat la kan. Memang akan terjadi. It just..how do we solve it supaya tak berpanjangan. Ok secara general, kalau saya la, biasa perkara yang akan menimbulkan terasa hati adalah (based on our marriage yang dah masuk tahun ke 4):

1. fasal anak. meaning.. contoh kalau anak tak nak tidur malam2 sedangkan laki bini dah penat kerja. Pastu kalau sorang da tertido and tinggal sorang je nak jaga dua2 sampai kul 1-2 pagi...memang menyinga..tetiba jadi isteri/suami paling garang kat dunia. Bukan tergarang dgn pasangan masing2 je, sampai anak pun kene jerit sekali. Ini semua sebab kepenatan di siang hari. Mula la nak compete dalam pertandingan 'siapa lagi penat di siang hari'..heee

2. Rasa kurang perhatian. Ni biasa I la ye haha.. or should I say most of the wives. Contoh tetiba that one particular week, husband jadi busy semacam mengalahkan perdana menteri Malaysia. Contoh hubby sekarang ni sibuk ngan class masters dia.. He has 3 classes, which means he will come home late on every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday! Pastu, hari2 lain tu busy with works, assignments. So rasa kalau nak share problem ngan dia pun rasa macam "hmm..nanti kacau dia plak nak study lagi". So bila kurang communication, tak boleh nak share cerita macam selalu, mula la syaitan ni menghasut, rasa lonely la ape la..mula la nak buat muka, jawab nak tak nak..bila hubby tanya, jawab "hmm.. x de apa2 la" hehehe

3. Hubby tak pandai pujuk. Kita ni perempuan, bila terasa hati, berjauh hati, mula la ada high expectation hubby akan pujuk macam Richard Gere pujuk Julia Roberts dalam Pretty Woman tu. Hmm..harapan tinggal impian. Ye la..dah ada anak ni..nak tengok anak lagi..nak pk macam2 lagi..tak kuasa ok nak pujuk beria bagai. Bila isteri dok wat muka, layan nak tak nak suami sampai 2 hari, mula la hubby pun malas nak layan, pastu masing2 cakap nak ego je..jawab nak tak nak hahah.. bila hubby buat x tau je, laaagila kita sedih terus rasa hubby dah x sayang kehkeh

Ok..dah bagi contoh. sekarang baik kita cari jalan penyelesaian. Biasa I and hubby kalau terasa hati pun x suka lama2..paling lama 3 hari hihi..hope lepas ni boleh improve pas ni..jadi 1 hari je ke..tak baik masam muka lama2

1. fasal anak ni. lepas I buat research, baca2 rasanya setiap pasangan suami isteri kena bertolak ansur and jangan terlalu dependent kepada pasangan. Maksudnya, kalau balik kerja tu, jangan pasang niat "aduhh penatnya hari ni, nak mintak tolong hubby tengokkan anak2 la..nak tido seround dua ke ok jugak". Tak payah la cik kak2 oiii. I think, as a wife, kita kena sentiasa positif, kene reverse niat "hmm..penatnya hari ni..tapi hubby pun mesti penat..x pe la..I akan try not to fall asleep while looking after them tonight"...so bila x de hope, x de la frust sangat and automatically we will find a way to stay awake. Contoh semalam, I know hubby kena bangun awal pagi ni sbb kene p indon outstation, flight kul 7 pg, so cab amik kul 5 pagi..kul 4.30 kene bangun siap2..so he needs sleep and rest..so dari semalam lagi, I dah pasang niat I yang akan jaga anak2 yang tak tahu nak tido awal tu. And Alhamdulillah, wpun tetlelap jugak at times, ada plak cerita kat tv yg best boleh tengok and baca novel yg x abis2 tu. So pagi tadi hubby bangun pun rasa happy and I know he thanked me for that.

2. Rasa kurang perhatian. Yang ni kene re-set balik minda kita. Boleh baca artikel yang I copy from previous entry tu..bagaima isteri solehah mengatasi masalah... best. Maksudnya.. tak payah la nak rasa lonely sangat. Allah swt kan ada... merintihla dengan Dia. Dia lagi suka. Tak payahla nak menyemakkan lagi otak hubby yang mmg tengah tensed pk fasal kerja and study. Bila ada masa yang sesuai, dia sendiri yang akan datang and berbual ngan kita. Tak payah la rasa kurang perhatian sangat selagi dia layan kita elok2. Maksudnya dia jalankan tanggungjawab dia macam biasa kat kita n anak2, just masa je kurang and communication terkurang. Kurang pun bersebab kan.. tak bangga ke hubby sambung study.. da la boleh improve career dia, and dia buat perkara yang Allah swt suka plak tu..mencari ilmu..so just support him by sacrificing a lil bit of your time together. Mana tahu ada rezeki mendatang..InsyaAllah

3. Hubby tak pandai pujuk. Ok..yang ni I rasa kita mmg kene study character hubby kita betul2. And I mmg dah tau character hubby. Dah 4 tahun kot. Apa yang I nampak, hubby I or most of the husbands out there memang x pandai pujuk. Contoh hari tu..ok ..i terasa hati sbb rasa masa dah kurang sbb dia bz pastu kene hasut ngan setan lagi soh layan hubby nakx nak je, pastu kitorang pegi giant shah alam, konon nak makan kat food court situ sbb air tak de kat umah mls nak cuci pinggan. Dalam kete, x borak sangat, hubby tanya dua patah, i jawab sepatah. hisshh.. tak elok betul perangai. Pastu at one point, hubby tanya soalan tapi i jawab macam dia x berapa nk dengar jawapan, dia pun sound la heeehh.. ntah napa rasa diri ini sudah tidak disayangi (poyo) terus cakap " abg pegila masuk giant dulu ngan fahri, nti b masuk ngan naeem" sambil nangis tersedu2..memang ntah pape..tp mmg rasa hubby cakap kasar mase die sound tu ...so I tahu dia pun rasa bersalah sebab terkasar. Apa lagi, drama la dalam giant tu.. bermula la aktiviti memujuk dia masa kat food court. I know he is not good with words, die segan kot nak pujuk beria..so kita boleh tengok kelakuan dia je la nak tahu dia tengah pujuk ke tak. Dalam food court tu, nampak la effort dia nak pujuk "b nak makan ape.. abg orderkan".. "x pe..b order sendiri" hah..ego kau...pastu tengah suap fahri, dia pn order sizzling mee and makan pastu tanya "b nak sizzling mee?" ..I jawab "x pe la..x nak".. tengah merajuk la katakan. "b nak makan ape..b nak order lain x..ke b nak chicken chop?"... I jawab "x nak la. x pe.. bmakan yg budak2 ni punya je".. hisshh..teruk tul perangai merajuk. Tp I x de la tahap sampai x nak kuar kereta langsung ok. Tu mmg melampau la. Pk la anak2 da excited smpai ke tmpt yg dituju.. x kan la nk buat perangai merajuk tu smpai x pk org lain. So, mase kat food court tu da rase die tgh pujuk just die x reti nak say sorry elok2, romantik2.. x pe la... I pn dok la perangai cam tu smpai ke tgh malam haha. Next day kat office, bile pk2 balik laki aku ni mmg cam tu cara die pujuk, so x payahla nk berangan princess sgt. Tu pn kira om die still nak pujuk. I muhasabah diri. Berdoa and merintih kepada Allah swt.. ya Allah semoga aku ikhlas dengan segala ujianMu, jauhkan la rasa yang tidak baik dlm hubungan kami suami isteri...jauhkan la ego dan sikap pentingkan diri sendiri dlm hubungan kami".. so minutes after that, x tau nape rasa nak say sorry kat dia..so I wasapp dia ckp sorry.. and he replied he pun sorry if ada terkasar and termarah2..die x sengaja...ok..settle..haa..cam tu la selalunya

So, as a wife:

1. Kena faham kesibukan suami

2. Jadilah penyokong suami yang paling setia

3. Jangan serabutkan otak dia dgn masalah2 di kala dia mmg tengah busy

4. Banyakkan mengadu dengan Allah swt.

5. Jangan berangan bukan2

6. Cuba buat semua sendiri, kalau tengok hubby free, baru mintak tolong..kalau hubby jenis suka tolong tanpa diminta mcm my hubby pun lagi bagus

7. Fahami karakter suami. Semua lelaki x sama.

8. Tak payah compare hubby ngan orang lain atau dgn rechard gere dalam pretty woman

9. Buang ego..kalau rasa salah, minta la maaf cepat2

Ya Allah.. Kau jauhkan la sifat ego dan mementingkan diri dari diri kami isteri2 yang ingin jadi isteri solehah buat suami kami..Ameen..

A must read to all married muslimah :)

Jumaat, November 28, 2008

Wanita solehah dalam penyelesaian masalahnya

Susunan : Bawang Goreng pada 11/28/2008 09:48:00 PG

Salamun'alaik Warahmatullahi Ta'ala Wabarakatuh....

Salam serta selawat ke atas Rasulullah Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wasallam, ahli keluarga baginda serta salam kepada para sahabat yang berjuang menegakkan Islam di muka bumi ini.

Masalah rumahtangga memang tidak pernah habis-habis. Lebih-lebih lagi jika suami itu seorang yang tidak bertanggungjawab, membiarkan anak isteri tanpa memberi nafkah yang mencukupi, membiarkan anak isteri sakit di rumah tanpa berusaha mendapatkan rawatan yang sepatutnya, membiarkan isteri sendirian bergelut menghadapi masalah anak-anak dan lain-lain lagi. Kalau iman lemah, tentulah si isteri akan marah-marah, malah ada yang sampai mengajak suami bertarung di dalam mahkamah. Kalaulah hal ini berlaku kepada kita, bagaimana sepatutnya seorang wanita solehah menyelesaikan masalah yang dihadapinya?

Sebuah hadis yang diriwayatkan oleh al-Imam Bazzar Nabi Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam bersabda: "Kamu sampaikan kepada perempuan yang kamu jumpa, bahawa taat kepada suami, dan mengakui hak-hak suami, sama pahalanya dengan berperang dan bertempur dengan musuh-musuh Islam di medan pertempuran, tetapi sedikit sangat daripada isteri-isteri yang menyempurnakan hak-hak suami mereka." (Hadis riwayat Al Imam Bazzar)

Daripada Anas, Nabi Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam bersabda yang bermaksud: "Apabila seorang perempuan mendirikan sembahyang lima waktu, berpuasa sebulan (Ramadhan), menjaga kehormatan dan taat kepada suami, dia akan disuruh memasuki syurga melalui mana-mana pintu yang dia sukai." (Hadis Riwayat Ahmad)

Sebenarnya, wanita yang solehah itu ialah wanita yang sangat cerdik. Cerdiknya dia ialah kerana dia faham apa maksud Tuhan di sebalik kejadian yang menimpa dirinya itu. Cerdiknya dia ialah kerana dia lihat Akhirat yang kekal abadi itu lebih besar dari dunia yang fana ini. Cerdiknya dia ialah kerana dia memahami perkara-perkara tersirat yang tidak difahami oleh wanita biasa. Cerdiknya juga kerana dia bertindak untuk jangka masa panjang dan bukan untuk jangka masa yang sementara. Dan cerdiknya juga kerana dia tidak turut menyakiti suami yang telah “menyakiti”nya itu untuk menyelesaikan masalah yang dihadapi. Bukankah baik kalau hubungan di antara suami dan isteri itu dikekalkan intim?

Kalau dicari penyelesaian dengan secara merungut-rungut dan meminta-minta sehingga suami naik bosan, atau secara bergaduh-gaduh sama ada di luar atau dalam mahkamah, bukankah ini akan meretakkan lagi hubungan suami isteri itu sehingga boleh menyebabkan penceraian? Pendek kata, cara ini ialah cara penyelesaian jangka pendek yang dicari oleh wanita yang kecil jiwanya, yang tidak tahan dengan sedikit ujian demi mendapatkan hasil yang baik. Walhal, wujudnya institusi keluarga yang aman damai itu adalah asas kepada perpaduan dan pembangunan sebuah masyarakat yang aman makmur.

Apabila seorang wanita solehah dilanda masalah, dia tidak akan terus bertindak mengikut akal dan emosinya, tetapi dia akan terus merujuk kepada Tuhan dengan melakukan beberapa perkara yang utama iaitu:

1. bertaubat atas dosa
2. merintih kepada Tuhan
3. melakukan perkara-perkara yang disukai Tuhan

Bertaubat Atas Dosa

Wanita yang faham akan maksud Tuhan akan sentiasa sedar bahawa Tuhan itu tidak akan mendatangkan masalah dengan sia-sia. Setiap kesusahan yang Tuhan datangkan itu adalah untuk penghapusan dosa atau untuk menaikkan darjatnya di sisi Tuhan. Sebagai seorang hamba yang lemah, lebih baik kita merasakan bahawa kita sudah banyak melakukan dosa sehingga menyebabkan Tuhan murka. Kenang-kenangkan dosa-dosa yang telah kita lakukan, antaranya mungkin kita cuai dan lalai dalam sembahyang, meringan-ringankan sembahyang, mungkin juga kita telah menyakiti hati kawan atau jiran dan lain-lain. Apatah lagi kalau kita selalu mengumpat, memfitnah, mengadu domba, sombong, hasad dengki dan lain-lain. Semua itu adalah dosa yang akan menjerumuskan kita ke dalam Neraka.

Jadi, apabila kita selalu mengenang dosa-dosa ini, akan timbul rasa untuk bertaubat. Cepat-cepatlah kita bertaubat dengan penuh keinsafan dan dengan hati yang sangat takutkan kemurkaan Tuhan serta merasakan diri kita sangat berdosa dan tidak selamat dari Neraka Tuhan.

Merintih Kepada Tuhan

Selain dari bertaubat atas dosa, wanita solehah juga suka bercakap-cakap dan mengadu kepada Tuhan. Dia akan merayu-rayu dan merintih-rintih kepada Tuhan agar Tuhan membantu menyelesaikan masalahnya. Kalau didengarilah rintihan mereka ini, ia ibarat rintihan seorang kekasih kepada kekasihnya, atau rintihan seorang hamba tawanan kepada pemerintah yang sangat berkuasa. “Wahai Tuhan, Engkau Maha Berkuasa, Maha Penyayang dan Maha Penyelesai Masalah. Dan aku sangat lemah dan sangat berdosa. Memang layaklah aku Engkau timpakan masalah sebegini kerana dosa-dosaku yang terlalu banyak terhadap-Mu. Tetapi Tuhan, aku tidak sanggup menghadapi masalah ini tanpa pertolongan-Mu. Tolonglah aku Tuhan! Tolonglah aku Tuhan! Aku sangat lemah kerana memang Engkau ciptakan aku lemah. Manakala Engkau sangat berkuasa dan boleh menyelesaikannya hanya dalam sekelip mata. Tunjukkanlah aku akan kehebatan-Mu sebagai yang Maha Penyelesai Masalah”, begitulah mungkin sedikit daripada kata-kata rintihan seorang wanita solehah apabila dilanda masalah. Dia akan merintih dan terus merintih di dalam hati, walaupun di waktu dia tersenyum gembira di hadapan manusia ramai.

Melakukan Perkara-perkara Yang Disukai Tuhan

Kerana begitu seriusnya dia hendak mengambil hati Tuhan agar Tuhan berkenan dengannya dan sudi menyelesaikan masalahnya, wanita yang solehah ini akan melakukan apa sahaja perkara yang disukai oleh Tuhan, selagi dia termampu.

Di sinilah logiknya mengapa seorang wanita solehah tidak akan menyakiti hati suaminya dengan meminta-minta, memarahi atau bergaduh dengan suaminya kerana dia tahu perkara itu ialah perkara yang tidak disukai oleh Tuhan. Kalau Tuhan sudah tidak suka, tentulah Tuhan tidak akan selesaikan masalahnya. Atau, kalau dapat diselesaikan pun, ia adalah penyelesaian yang Tuhan berikan dengan kebencian dan kemurkaan.

Kerana inilah, dia sanggup menekan perasaannya untuk terus melayan suaminya dengan baik, malah kalau boleh, diperelokkan lagi layanannya itu. Tujuannya bukan untuk mengampu suami, tetapi untuk menagih simpati dan kasih sayang Tuhan. Dia juga akan melakukan perkara-perkara lain seperti bersedekah, membantu orang susah, menambah amalan sunat dan lain-lain lagi. Beginilah yang akan dilakukannya terus-menerus sehinggalah Tuhan kasihan kepadanya dan sudi campur tangan untuk menyelesaikan masalahnya.

Dan apabila masalahnya itu Tuhan sendiri yang selesaikan, tentulah hasilnya selamat dan menyelamatkan. Penyelesaiannya kadang-kadang melalui jalan yang tidak disangka-sangka. Adakalanya, Tuhan berikan dorongan yang kuat (ilham) untuk dia mengambil sesuatu tindakan yang akan mendatangkan kesan yang sangat positif. Adakalanya, Tuhan datangkan seseorang yang sangat prihatin hendak membantunya. Atau mungkin tiba-tiba suatu kejadian berlaku ke atas suaminya sehingga menyebabkan sikap suaminya itu berubah. Atau kalau pun Tuhan mahu mereka berpisah kerana tahu suaminya itu tidak boleh berubah.

Dia akan berikan laluan yang mudah, tanpa perlu pergaduhan atau pertelingkahan. Paling tidak, Tuhan akan berikannya ketenangan dan ketabahan untuk menempuh masalah itu. Bukankah lebih baik mempunyai hati yang tenang walaupun dilanda masalah daripada tiada masalah tetapi hati gundah-gulana? Apabila datangnya bantuan Tuhan ini, wanita yang solehah ini akan cepat mengucapkan syukur seraya memuji-muji Tuhan.

Dia benar-benar merasakan bahawa Tuhanlah yang telah menyelesaikan masalahnya tanpa diduga. Kalaupun ada usaha-usaha lahir yang dilakukannya, dia langsung tidak merasakan yang dirinya hebat kerana pandai menyelesaikan masalah, sebaliknya rasa malu dan tidak layak kerana diberi bantuan.

Pendek kata, semakin banyak masalah yang menimpanya, semakin dekatlah dia kepada Tuhan dan semakin kuatlah imannya. Hatinya akan bertambah tenang kerana dia tidak takut menghadapi sebarang jenis masalah. Dia yakin, walau besar macam mana pun masalahnya, Tuhan boleh selesaikan. Berbeza dengan wanita yang mahu mencari penyelesaian lahiriah tanpa bergantung harap kepada Tuhan, dia akan menghadapi pelbagai kesusahan untuk menyelesaikan masalahnya itu. Sudahlah susah disakiti suami, susah pula hendak selesaikan masalah. Apabila selesai pula, datang pula masalah yang baru. Contohnya, seorang isteri yang begitu bersusah payah naik turun mahkamah untuk mendapatkan penceraian daripada suaminya. Sudahlah habis wang dan masa hanya untuk mendapatkan penceraian, bila sudah bercerai, si suami pula tidak mahu memberikan nafkah atau membawa lari anak kesayangannya. Hatinya akan terus menerus gundah-gulana dan kacau-bilau.

Hakikatnya, Tuhan tidak suka dengan dia kerana dia telah mengenepikan Tuhan. Dia lebih bergantung kepada kepandaian dan kemampuan dirinya sendiri, dan tidak bergantung kepada Tuhan untuk menyelesaikan masalahnya. Secara tidak sedar, dia sudah melakukan syirik khafi (syirik tersembunyi) kerana dia merasakan dirinya itu cukup berkuasa untuk menyelesaikan masalah. Walhal, satu kelipan mata pun tidak akan berlaku kalau bukan dengan kekuasaan Tuhan. Inilah sebenarnya wanita yang tidak pandai menyelesaikan masalah. Dia akan terus-menerus dibelenggu oleh masalah demi masalah, dengan penyelesaian yang kusut dan mengusutkan.

Terseksalah hidupnya di dunia, sebelum seksa yang lebih dahsyat di Akhirat nanti.

Waliyauzubillah.

Sumber: Raudhah.com

The husband's feeling

I guess this is a good reading. Betul ke ni...how true is this? Whatever it is, this might help to answer some questions about our beloved husband...

Rintihan Suami Yang Tak Terucap (Oleh Dr Fadzilah Mohd Kamsah)

Sikap lelaki yang perempuan tidak faham – Paradigma songsang yang relevan

1. Tidak kisah dan pendiam
o Lelaki suka diam tapi bukan bermakna tak kisah
o Diam kerana OK, tak perlu ditegur atau komen apa yang isteri katakan

2. Tidak boleh dipercayai
o Isteri kena yakin pada suami, lebihkan doa untuk suami
o Isteri perlu waspada tapi tidak bermakna curiga atau bersangka buruk terhadap suami
o Isteri perlu berhati-hati, lebihkan doa dan usaha untuk suami

3. Lelaki ego
o Dari kajian yang dilakukan, perempuan sebenarnya lebih banyak ego dari lelaki
o Lelaki tidak ego tapi untuk menjaga maruah diri, bersikap kasar dan tegas
o Manjaga maruah diri adalah wajib bagi lelaki

4. Lelaki miang
o Sikap miang lelaki ini boleh membantu meningkatkan tenaga batin dan minda lelaki

5. Lelaki lemah
o Lelaki mudah tergoda dan terpedaya tetapi pada tahap yang berbeza
o Pada hakikatnya manusia memang lemah

Luahan isi hati insan yang bergelar suami kepada isteri

1. Sayangi suami seadanya tanpa syarat.

2. Hormati suami sebagai pemimpin rumahtangga.

3. Fahami kelemahan suami – imbangi kekuatan dan kelemahan suami.

4. Suami malu nak minta khidmat isteri ~ Isteri perlu ikut resmi sikembang Cina : “Belum dipanggil dah datang, belum disuruh dah pergi, belum diminta dah beri.”

5. Lelaki sukar untuk melupakan peristiwa lama yang berunsur negative yang pernah berlaku pada isteri seperti kekasih lama isteri.

6. Isteri jangan bangkang cakap suami kerana suami akan rasa terancam dan rendah diri, nilai diri suami akan merosot. Isteri harus akur dan patuh terutama berkaitan dengan hukum seperti agama dan sebagainya.

7. Tolong sokong pendirian dan pandangan suami atau minat suami. Ini penting untuk membentuk keyakinan dan esteem suami. Pendirian suami adalah maruah lelaki.

8. Cubalah fahami suami walaupun ianya tidak terucap :
o Allah beri gerak hati/ batin kepada orang perempuan (ini adalah anugerah Allah kepada orang perempuan) dan kurang kepada lelaki.
o Hati perempuan dilepas dimulut manakala mulut lelaki adalah dihatinya (menurut ulama/ orang bijak pandai).
o Apa yang terasa dihati perempuan akan terus diucap tetapi lelaki akan menyimpannya di dalam hati dan tak terucap.
o Para suami tahu bahawa perempuan memang boleh memahami.

9. Jangan perlekeh atau sebut kesilapan suami di hadapan mertua dan anak-anak atau orang penting kerana ini akan menghancurkan hati suami.

10. Tegur dan ingatkan suami secara penuh hikmah ~ Isteri hendaklah puji dahulu kebaikan suami dan kemudian barulah tegur kesilapan suami.

11. Rintihan suami tentang sex :
o Hampir semua lelaki malu meminta khidmat tersebut dari isteri.
o Hubungan kelamin amat kritikal untuk suami, jika tiada, suami akan tension dan sakit.
o Ini adalah naluri semulajadi lelaki. Adalah relevan untuk mengadakan hubungan kelamin 2 atau 3 kali seminggu untuk pasangan yang sihat.

12. Suami memang marah-marah tapi bukan tandanya benci. Suami marah sebab tekanan di pejabat dan sebagainya. Suami lepaskan tension, tapi bukan untuk isteri. Ini juga tidak boleh dijadikan alasan untuk suami marah-marah tanpa sebab kepada isteri.

13. Jika suami merajuk, biarkan kami sendirian untuk merawat dan memujuk hati sendiri. Isteri jangan kacau dan pujuk. Berikan kami masa. Isteri boleh berikan khidmat yang terbaik tapi jangan sibuk tanya “kenapa bang??”, “apa dah jadi??”

14. Suami tak pandai mendengar, isteri jika ada hal nak beritahu suami, beritahulah pada masa yang senang dan sesuai seperti masa minum petang.

15. Suami tak pandai pamerkan emosi dan perasaan, suami akan luahkannya melalui cara lain seperti sms. Pesanan untuk suami… amatlah bagus jika dapat ucapkan kata-kata “Sayang, I love you” pada isteri sebanyak 7 kali sehari.

16. Suara suami keras tapi bukan tandanya marah. Isteri jangan cepat merajuk. Memang semulajadinya suami boleh control suaranya bila bercakap dengan orang lain…sebab itu bukan isteri dia tetapi bila bercakap dengan isteri, suaranya keras. Kalau kita dengar lelaki bercakap di telefon dengan nada yang keras, memang sah dia sedang bercakap dengan isterinya…

17. Suami memang tak pandai memujuk dan meminta maaf :
o Contoh lambang suami minta maaf pada isteri ~ Selepas marah, suami keluar dan siram pokok bunga, buangkan sampah, belikan barang atau makanan kegemaran isteri dan sebagainya.
o Isteri-isteri … tolonglah fahami lambang-lambang suami yang cuba memujuk kerana quota vocabulary suami tak banyak.

18. Suami tak tahan kena leter kerana leteran isteri boleh memendekkan umur suami, nanti suami cepat mati.

19. Suami tak larat nak jawab soalan isteri yang panjang dan berjela-jela. Sebab itu suami tak jawab soalan isteri sebab kalau suami jawab 1 soalan, suami kena jawab soalan-soalan iringan. Contohnya : “Dah makan bang?”, “Makan kat mana?”, “Makan apa?”, “Makan dengan siapa?”.

20. Tolong patuh perintah Allah tanpa suami kena pesan selalu kerana suami kadang kala kesian, tak mampu dan tak sanggup untuk menegur dengan secara hikmah.

21. Suami tak sanggup dengar desakan isteri seperti tukar kereta, perabot rumah, dan sebagainya. Isteri tolonglah beri suami peluang utuk bertindak sendiri. Suami jadi lemas dan bingung dengan desakan isteri.

22. Suami tak tegur kesilapan isteri kecuali jika ianya terlalu extreme. Contohnya : isteri make-up lebih lebih – suami akan tegur kerana dia jealous sebab nanti orang lain akan tegur dan suka tengok isteri mereka.

23. Suami diam tandanya OK. “No news is good news”. Isteri jangan kecil hati.

24. Suami tak jawab soalan isteri sebab jawapan pada soalan dah nyata. Seperti yang dinyatakan dalam (17) kerana quota vocabulary suami tak banyak.

25. Suami kadang-kadang melenting sebab stress tapi bukan salah isteri.

26. Permintaan suami… Isteri-isteri tolong jangan cemburu. Suami akan jadi lemas dan serba salah.

27. Isteri jangan pesan berkali-kali kerana suami akan rasa terhina. Lelaki ada “Macho”nya. Lelaki pantang dipesan berkali-kali kerana mereka rasa seperti mereka dah nyanyuk.

28. Jangan ulangi perkara yang suami dah faham atau perkara yang jelas kerana ini boleh menghina suami.

29. Suami lambat bertindak sebab suami banyak berfikir. Orang lelaki ada 9 akal. Mereka akan tapis-tapis dan ini tak bermakna yang mereka tidak bertanggungjawab.

30. Suami selalu lebihkan ibubapa mereka kerana mereka ingin menjadi anak yang soleh. Isteri jangan cemburu atau salah faham.

31. Isteri tolonglah hormati ibubapa suami yang masih hidup.

32. Jangan bandingkan suami dengan orang lain kerana suami akan rasa terhina.

33. Isteri-isteri tolong jangan puji sebarang lelaki di hadapan suami kerana suami akan rasa tercabar.

Struggling to be a good wife

It's really hard to keep in track..i mean to write an entry every single day. How I wish I could jot down everything every single thing..or maybe not every day..I am not Vivy Yusof pun yg super multi-task and the most obvious difference between me and her is of course people want to know what is she wearing everyday! haha...

Ok.. I would like to talk about how a good wife should be.. ok tajuk pun fail..x pe la.. i am not saying that I am a good wife..memang tak la..I am also keep improving myself every day but these are my two cents..

1. Be sincere in whatever you do for your hubby. Don't do it because u have to do..or if u're not doing it than who else is going to take account of it? Don't. U will know that u are sincere to cook, wash, take care of the kids, clean up rooms, kitchen and the list goes on..if u're happy doing it. If u put a line on the house chores that u and your hubby need to do, then u won't feel happy if your hubby is not fulfilling his tasks well. For example la kan, I used to ask my hubby to bath our sons because I have already fed them, but when he said "kejap lagi abg mandikan diorang..jap ek..sikit lagi nak habis highlight EPL ni" while the clock was already showing 11 am! So, sapa yang sakit hati..we olls jugak..so just don't put the line on the things that u n hubby should do..just do it..your hubby will help u eventually! Hati pun senang..muka pun x masam haha

2. If.. you find him does something that u don't like..don't hold an intention to cause a fight. Istighfar. Forgive him immediately. Keep in mind that he is only human who doesn't get away from errs. From my experience, just play ignorance and keep praying to Allah swt that he will become a better person and leran from mistakes. But u must talk to him about the matter. Contoh "Abg..kan dah berapa kali ayang cakap ayang x suka abg balik lambat macam ni"..see no exclamation mark! talk nicely..jangan tinggikan suara.. then..that's it.. i lagi prefer cakap macam ni "Abg..kan I da ckp i x suke u buat mcm ni...and I don't want to listen to any explanation because I know what u're gonna say" pastu dah. blah dgn muke sedikit sedih... x payah nk baling handphone bagai ok!

3. If.. your hubby complains about your cooking, don't tarik muka or menjawab..mmg la sakit hati kan..kita penat-penat masak kt dapur ngn bau bawang n tumis lg, pastu die kate 'ape ni?'..or 'macam pelik je'. Be strong ye puan puan. Diam je. x pe...just ask him 'so u nak yg rasa macam mana?' and then masakla mcm die nak. Remember, one of our responsibilities is to serve our man. So taat aje lah ye.. x rugi pun komen2 diorang tu.. anggap je boleh improve our cooking skill.

4. If we don't have an agreement on an issue. Just buat2 setuju or diam je la. Lagi kita menjawab, lagi gaduh. My hubby and I mmg x sependapat on certain issues. And I mmg suka menjawab coz I  rasa die salah and I am on the right side! But, i think x ke mana pun kalau kita menjawab ngan hubby..and lama2 boleh lead to a fight...so x payah la...dapat dosa lg adalah. But it depends to your hubby jgk..if die jenis boleh terima pendapat, then maybe u can voice out your thought nicely.

ok..will continue on next entry

A perfect wife and a perfect husband

 Let us begin with istighfar...Astaghfirullahhalazim...SubhanAllah.. 

Actually, hari ni nak cakap fasal tingkah laku kita as a wife. Sebenarnya sangat senang kan seorang isteri nak masuk syurga..kerana syurga bergantung pada layanan, taat setia, kata hati, dan doa kita kepada suami. Tapi cuba kita muhasabah balik diri kita as a wife ni..selama berkahwin ni...kita ni lebih banyak merungut ke or lebih banyak take things positively and bersyukur?

I have been married for 4 years now. Alhamdulillah. Kejap je masa kan. Tup tup dah dua anak. tup tup dah makin buncit perut kita orang laki bini ni haha. biasalah kan...cukup sangat ke makan nya? entahla. But along the way, i have learned so many things about my husband and so does he. just like a cliche statement 'there is no perfect wife or perfect husband in this world'. In fact, the weakness of each partner is actually complementing each other. That makes the couple or the marriage looks perfect.

I can't deny that I love my hubby so much. More than he does (I guess). Tapi lama2 fikir balik, am I being a good wife to him all this while? At times, I am still confused when it comes to hukum yang tak jelas macam contoh kalau merajuk kat husband ni boleh ke x dlm Islam, u know that kind of thing. But take things for granted and tend to forget. My husband has never sworn to be the perfect husband to me. But I believe he has promised to be the best husband. So, should we complain if we don't really get what we want in marriage? Of course the answer is no. Life is getting more challenging as time goes by. Having two boys means there are more things/topics/subjects that you and husband need to think of. Be it financial, time, effort, emotional, spiritual. yes, it is tiring. Because without realizing it, our time with our partner is getting lesser. More focus on the kids. And I just don't understand for those yang lagi sayang anak dari suami. Astaghfirullah.. hebat sangat kah kita sampai merendahkan martabat suami?

When to think about it, I think my hubby is a perfect husband to me. Of course, he has many flaws but those flaws came because he is only human who is still trying to improve himself as a better Muslim. Same goes to me. I have flaws as well. Everyone has. This is a reminder to my own self. I want to take every problem and challenge positively with gratefulness. Not with a complain and merungut dalam hati. we have to bear in mind that our husbands are not perfect. Try to accept their weaknesses and mistakes as part of human's journey towards becoming a better Muslim. And as wives, we should talk to husbands if we find them are making mistakes in marriage. Don't just rumbling and giving them more stress and headache.

To encik hubby, if u are reading this, I know I am not the perfect wife and at times I know I terbuat muka termerajuk, please forgive me. ok jom mintak maaf ngan husband.

What else could I ask for?

4 years: 4 Raya Pictures

Alhamdulillah... November is a special month for me and hubby as we was tied with a special knot on 28.11.2009. Reaching our 4 years as a husband and wife, I would like to dedicate this entry to look back at the progression of our marriage. One word. Alhamdulillah. ( I actually took the idea from a blog which I lost the url ;p)

Raya 2010

I was carrying Fahri at the 32nd week. I was heavy. did not know what to wear during raya. First raya at my hubby's kampung in Taiping, Perak.

Raya 2011

Fahri was 9 months young. I was lighter and know too much on what to wear ;p .

Raya 2012 

Alhamdulillah ... another rezeki. Naeem was one month and Fahri was 2 years old. Do you notice that mr hubby is wearing the same baju Melayu? Yes, puas pujuk. Tetap tak mau beli baru! x berapa penting katanyeee..hmmmm

Raya 2013

Naeem was one year old and Fahri was almost 3! My sons are getting cuter, healthier. My hubby and I are working hard to look the same for every raya...hahaha... Alhamdulillah.